Thursday, November 25, 2010

To snag or not to snag? That is the question

BBQs: the great Australian tradition of incinerating meat on a boiling hot day.

Certain elements are expected at are BBQ: great weather, singlets, cold drinks, loud music..and always the same nagging question for the host: "should I ask guests to bring their own meat?"

Yes my friends, Australia may have many problems-but this one, this snag etiquette dilemma ravages the minds of the good men and women of Australia every summer.

To gain a greater understanding of this national nuisance, let's first assess the need for a barbie:
  • The weather is great
  • Men do all the cooking
  • You eat all day
  • You drink all day
Now that we are all clear on the great advantages of BBQ, let's evaluate 2 possible outcomes on either side of the BYO Snag Situation.

Host provides all meat for BBQ:
  1. Host is forced to cater to special dietary requirements of guests-host cooks vegie sausages on same grill as meat sausages. Vego finds out, is racked by guilt and turns to alcoholism to sooth their battered conscience.
  2. Host miscalculates meat to bread ratio, thereby forcing guests to eat their snags sans bread. Inspired, guests decide to try Atkins when they get home. Predictably, said guests develop a high cholesterol problem forcing them to rely on a cocktail of prescription drugs for the rest of their lives. Guests can never eat snags again..
Host requests guests BYO meat:
  1. To prove a point, one guest brings own meat, own drinks, own bread. Refuses to share with anyone including host. Rest of guests wonder when their friend became a twat. Said guest is gradually ostracized from the friendship group, leaving them sad, lonely and hungry.
  2. Guests and host provide lots of meat, now there is way too much meat but it is all eaten. Guests stomachs have been stretched and they gorge all week, unable to fill the snag shaped hole created in their bellies. Guests become obese, stuck to their couches and unable to ever attend another BBQ.
So you see, miscalculate the BYO meat situation and the results could be dire.

To snag or not to snag? I wish I knew.

Tread carefully friends, let me know how you get on.

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