Christmas Wars-Britain vs. Australia

Ok this title might be a bit contentious.
And dramatic.

Christmas is pretty much the only time you'll hear expats in Oz say that they miss home. Given the fact that the whole of Britain has turned into an igloo, if you hear a Brit say that they wish they were home right now-have some pity. Give them a hug, they miss their mums.

An Australian Christmas consists of sun, seafood, beaches, parties, shorts, dresses, sun tan lotion-all those good things.

All those good things for July.

At Christmas this stuff is just plain wrong. Not one inch of my being feels remotely Christmassy here. And in Britain I am a Christmas freak. I applied for a job at the North Pole once and got knocked back because I was too eager.

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!

In Britain.

"Well if you like it so much why don't you f*ck off back to England then!" I hear you cry. Fair play, I'll take that.

"It's too expensive to do every year" is the short answer. So during my year off from a British Christmas, allow me to list the Christmas elements that I miss from home. (while tears flood my keyboard)

In no particular order:
Marks and Spencer's food ads-"This isn't just a mince pie..."
The Salvation Army playing carols in town
Advent calenders-why don't they have them in Oz? Call this a 1st world country?!
My family-I know I said no particular order but I probably should have put this first
Mulled wine
A turkey lunch
Wrapping up in gloves, a scarf AND hat
Proper Christmas lights in the streets-Oxford Street style
Highlighting the Radio Times with programs I want to watch
Walking in the Air movie-does anyone actually like this? You have to watch it though don't you?
Family walk on boxing day-the only time you say hello and smile at strangers
Seeing people in the pub that you haven't seen in years-also avoiding said people

What do I like about an Aussie Christmas? Nothing. It's just not Christmas. It feels like a summer holiday, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just that I am fairly certain that Santa does not drive over this way. I think Australian parents have to buy their kid's presents, which is just plain sad.

Am I wrong expats of Europe? C'mon Aussies, prove me wrong-what do you love about Christmas in Australia? Convert me!









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To snag or not to snag? That is the question

BBQs: the great Australian tradition of incinerating meat on a boiling hot day.

Certain elements are expected at are BBQ: great weather, singlets, cold drinks, loud music..and always the same nagging question for the host: "should I ask guests to bring their own meat?"

Yes my friends, Australia may have many problems-but this one, this snag etiquette dilemma ravages the minds of the good men and women of Australia every summer.

To gain a greater understanding of this national nuisance, let's first assess the need for a barbie:

• The weather is great
• Men do all the cooking
• You eat all day
• You drink all day

Now that we are all clear on the great advantages of BBQ, let's evaluate 2 possible outcomes on either side of the BYO Snag Situation.

Host provides all meat for BBQ:

1. Host is forced to cater to special dietary requirements of guests-host cooks vegie sausages on same grill as meat sausages. Vego finds out, is racked by guilt and turns to alcoholism to sooth their battered conscience.
2. Host miscalculates meat to bread ratio, thereby forcing guests to eat their snags sans bread. Inspired, guests decide to try Atkins when they get home. Predictably, said guests develop a high cholesterol problem forcing them to rely on a cocktail of prescription drugs for the rest of their lives. Guests can never eat snags again..

Host requests guests BYO meat:

1. To prove a point, one guest brings own meat, own drinks, own bread. Refuses to share with anyone including host. Rest of guests wonder when their friend became a twat. Said guest is gradually ostracized from the friendship group, leaving them sad, lonely and hungry.
2. Guests and host provide lots of meat, now there is way too much meat but it is all eaten. Guests stomachs have been stretched and they gorge all week, unable to fill the snag shaped hole created in their bellies. Guests become obese, stuck to their couches and unable to ever attend another BBQ.

So you see, miscalculate the BYO meat situation and the results could be dire.

To snag or not to snag? I wish I knew.

Tread carefully friends, let me know how you get on.

Lately I have been mostly thinking about

Babies vs. sad and lonely

One of my friends is up the duff, and such a monumental event will inevitably cause you to look at your own life situation.

I am 26, I'm female and I live with my boyfriend, 1 million miles away from home. Now is not an appropriate time to have a baby. Not that I want one.

I spoke to my Grandma last night and she told me she was praying for me to have a baby next year.

 

"It would ruin my life" was my response. Probably a little harsh and dramatic, but a heartfelt response none the less. I don't want one.

However, everytime my brother sends a picture of his 6 month old, I feel like breaking down. He dressed the baby up as a little Santa Claus-when I opened up the jpeg I almost puked with emotion.

Clearly two polar oposite reactions to the prospect of babyhood.

Another friend commented that a colleague must be very sad and lonely with only his hot wife to share all his money with. Lots of money BTW.

That is not my definition of sad and lonely.

Given the choice of baby vs. prospect of lots of money + hot wife (most likely husband-but who knows in 20 years time?) I'll take the latter.